Tuesday, August 26, 2008

An Open Letter to Mall shoppers

or shoppers in general,

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen (these terms are used, in some cases, the loosest sense of the word)

Thank you for coming into my store. I really hope you found everything you were looking for. I have a few things to say. Please don't treat the people who work in this store - or any other for that matter - like we are less than you. We're not. We are wives, mothers, daughters and friends some of us are students, others teachers all of us are working for whatever reason (I'm working for private school tuition for my oldest child. We just happen to work in a mall store.

When I greet you, it's because they pay me to. I get paid to stand there and greet you - please be polite and return my greeting - if our roles were reversed I'd do the same for you.

Put down your cell phone. I mean really, your life is so friggin important that you can't walk through a store without a piece of plastic attached to your head? If you feel you MUST talk on your phone, don't complain that no one would help you find the Japanese Cherry Blossom body cream you need and you had to look for 45 minutes - all the time flapping your lips on the phone - talking about how badly you're being treated in this store. And do not even have a fit because it took you five minutes to pay for your crap because you were still ON THE PHONE and had to be asked six times to verify the charge amount.

They pay us to ask you if you need help. They want us to ask you over and over and over.

If you have children please control them in the store. Yes the shelves are glass and yes they will break if your eight year old repeatedly runs her four year old sister and the stroller into them multiple times. Also, we have enough work to do without watching your spawn fight with each other and beat the tar out of each other with rubber ducks. Keep your kids in check, it's called parenting. If they cannot behave in public, don't bring them until you teach them to behave themselves.

Please do not let your baby or toddler scream all the way through your 30 minute body lotion search. I mean really? A child that upset does not need to shop. Attend his or her needs - I promise the body cream that you can't remember the name of but was pink, will still be there when your child has been fed, changed and rested.

We have no say in scents being discontinued. No really we don't. I am sorry it was your favorite but things and change - life goes on. Last year's Fresia is this year's whatever.

I am sorry you had a perfume emergency at 8:45 PM and you can't possibly go to school smelling like sweet pea when everyone else is wearing something else. We have to close our gates at 9 PM. The mall is not 7-11. Come back when we open the next day, the scent you want but don't know what it is will still be there. Don't threaten to call customer care because I told you we were indeed closed, there is never a perfume emergency - really.

Thank You,
Methusula Honeysuckle


~LL~ said...

Dear Meth.....LOL

I remember Avon had this lotion...it smelled fruity, with a hint of flowers....it was about 4 years ago....in a blue bottle....came out red....went on green and dried clear...anyway...do you have anything like that? Hmmmm? DO you?

Mary W. said...


Rose said...

I think those hormones are bringing out the best in you! This was really funny, in a "I sympathize with you" kind of way.

God Bless